i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
