i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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