i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
