Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
