I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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