Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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