meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
