the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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