Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
