Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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