I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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