I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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