I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
