So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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