I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
