rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
