what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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