Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
