you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
