we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
