Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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