then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
