Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
birth control should be required to get into college
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
