Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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