you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
