The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
