I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
