I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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