dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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