Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
