Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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