currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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