i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
