It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
