the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
