I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
