I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
