I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
