i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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