I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
