So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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