I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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