Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
