Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
