mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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