Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
