you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
