This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize