"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
