is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
