You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
