he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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