I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
