the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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