when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
