This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
