oh god the rape fog is back!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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