Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
