just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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