Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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