Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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