The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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