I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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