I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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