I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you inspire me to be a worse person
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
