i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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