You're completely useless in the revolution.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
