handjob tips. give me some.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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