I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FUCK WHALES
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
