i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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