Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
