You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
