There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he was CRYING into my vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
