I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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